Thanks YMGW listeners

Thanks for visiting my blog after listening to Money God's Way.

Please leave me a question or comment. I want to interact with those who relate to my experiences.

At this point, writing the book has cost me more money than it's made me, and I am okay with that. The big change was my how I define success. Still being on a short leash financially doesn't overwhelm me like it once did. I'm heading in the right direction.

I welcome you to join me in enjoying the insane success of God's abundant life. It may look like failure to most people, but it sure beats chasing after something that doesn't satisfy, even if you do attain it.

May is mental health awareness month

In honor of mental health awareness month, I am lowering the price of Insane Success: From Losing The American Dream To Finding God's Abundant Life from 8.88 to 6.79. Please consider taking advantage of this special pricing to give hope to a friend, family member, or yourself. 

Shaken, Shattered, Serving

Reading Shaken by Tim Tebow, which recounts his fall from the NFL, reminded me that life knocks everyone down somewhere along the way. Life doesn't care who you are or how much success you've had. Those who've had the most success probably get more shaken up when things go wrong. That was the case for Tim and me, anyway. So much has gone right that you don't know how to respond when things go wrong.

I thought a bit more about the similarities of our experiences. Not surprisingly there weren't many. We both lost hard earned dream jobs and went through the process of figuring out what to do next. That's about the extent of any similarities. Then I got to thinking about the differences. Not surprisingly there were many. Far too many to even begin to list.

One difference that really stood out in my mind was that Tim's life was only shaken - sort of like a Central Illinois earthquake; rare and unremarkable. My life was shattered. I'm talking 1989 San Francisco earthquake devastation. It's easy for me to say "only shaken" when I didn't invest my life into having a long career as an NFL quarterback.

Another huge difference was the way we responded. Tim immediately reached out to friends and family. I kept far too much of what was going on, especially mentally, to myself. With the help of others, Tim was able to put his loss in perspective and move on relatively quickly. And before thinking of course he did he's Tim Tebow. He just moved on to a different type of success. What loss is that? think about other successful people who have responded to loss, or success for that matter, improperly. There are a lot of celebrities who self-destruct by responding improperly to success or the loss of it.

The same thing happens to all us non-celebrities too. Only, the whole world doesn't know about it. My downward spiral began slowly, but the longer I tried to right my life on my own the worse I made it. As the spiral sped up, I went from disgruntled to discouraged to depressed to despaired without really recognizing it as I moved from one to the other. Then came my suicide attempt. It was the worst and best day of my life. This act broke through my pride. I got help. I got on the road to recovery with friends and family. Hmm . . . maybe I should have started there. Uh, yeah!

One last similarity. Tim and I are both using our stories to serve those who are still in the struggle to get back up. You probably won't get the chance to chat with Tim Tebow about how frustrating life is. But if you want to talk to someone who can really relate to the common Joe, I am here to serve. YOU.

Talk to me

While my website and other author sites are under construction please private message me at https://www.facebook.com/lomelino28. I want my book, Insane Success, to speak to you. But I also want you to talk to me.

Toxic Pride

This blog is the companion to my book - Success Redefined: Abundant Life After Loss. I thought I was done only to have my editor tell me; while I had the makings of a quality book I was only about half done. With her guidance and God's leading I still hope to complete it (again - ha ha) this year. Part of my editors advice was to include spiritual application at the end of each chapter. I am going to use those as my blog post to keep both from going stagnant.                 

Chapter One 

Toxic Pride

Why is pride so toxic? Pride tells us we can handle it. It says we have it all under control; that we are the masters of our own destiny. God tells us He, and only He, is in control of all things. He created the universe and everything in it. He created everything, including us, on purpose and for a purpose. God has a purpose, a plan, a will, for every man, woman, boy, and girl. But most will never live out the life God has planned for them, because that requires surrendering their life plan to him and pride keeps them from doing that. If you are trying to find success, as defined by man, you are engaged in an exercise of futility. Giving up is typically not the advice given to find success, but in this case it is the first step that every other step builds on. Give up all attempts to live this life in your own strength and wisdom. Surrender your life fully to God. Accept His son Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior. Give Him control and a new life will begin. It may not look like a successful life to others, but I know finding God’s will and, with His help and guidance, living it out is a far more fulfilling, exciting, and joyful life than anything I could possibly accomplish on my own. 

The loss of Thanksgiving

If the Thanksgiving holiday were a person it would surely have an inferiority complex.

A couple days ago my wife and I watched the Christmas classic Holiday Inn. As the Thanksgiving scene opens, the poor holiday doesn't even have a permanent home on the calendar. Then the holiday itself doesn't get any attention at all. Instead of dancing there is depression. Instead of singing there is a recording of I've got plenty to be thankful for being refuted by the very man who wrote it. Every other holiday in the movie is celebrated in some way, and Thanksgiving's greatest competition for attention gets double billing.

Not only is the Thanksgiving scene sad, it's sad that were already giving Christmas attention on November 6th. When my wife and I were shopping for Holiday Inn, the same day we watched it, there was no problem finding the displays of Christmas movies. I'm sure there are Thanksgiving movies, it's going to take a little more effort to find them though; the same goes for songs and Christmas albums. How many Christmas songs can you name? Now, how many Thanksgiving songs can you name? How many recording artist have a Christmas album? Now, how many recording artists have a Thanksgiving album? And, how many Thanksgiving songs have multiple versions? White Christmas, the feature song of Holiday Inn, has more than 500 recorded versions.

Christmas vies for our attention for two months and gets it, a lot, during those 60 or so days -- list making, card writing, shopping, wrapping, entertaining, meals, parties, decorating, movies, music, commercials, church services, black Friday, cyber Monday, Santa Claus, baby Jesus, mangers, live nativities, trees, stars, lights, cameras, action, action, action. It's no wonder we have trouble pausing half way through to give Thanksgiving our attention. Does Thanksgiving, real thanksgiving, ever get our undivided attention? If, so for how long? Does anyone make a Thanksgiving list that isn't a shopping list for Thanksgiving dinner? Has Thanksgiving become little more than a food and football gorged halftime break for Christmas? Has it become I have plenty to be thankful for, here's my Christmas list for more?

Our go, go, go culture has left us precious little time to stop and be thankful; and Thanksgiving is now right in the middle of the busiest season of the year. I'm not yet 50 years old, but can remember when Thanksgiving wasn't overshadowed by Christmas.

Christmas is front and center from the day after Halloween and lasts until the tree comes down. That's a long time for people that Christmas is a reminder of loss for. For those people, myself included, it is crucial to go counter to the culture and give Thanksgiving and thanksgiving the double billing. Maybe your depressed because job loss has left you with no means to give as you would like. Maybe your sad because a loved one has died. Maybe you can't find any Christmas spirit within yourself. Don't let the overblown Christmas season monster our culture has created steal two months of your life. Focus on the plenty that all of us have to be thankful for. Focus on the first Christmas. Focus on Jesus all year round.

It's not recorded so it won't add to the total but here's my version of White Christmas:


I'm thankful for a while, Christmas
You can wait your turn I know
Let the treetops glisten
after Thanksgivin'
Wait until December snow

I'm thankful for a while, Christmas
With every thank you card I write
May Christmas be merry and bright
After we're all thankful for a while

Forgiveness and other F words

 

No, I am not going to use the F bomb in this post for obvious reasons. Let's take off our tinsel halos for just a moment though, and admit that when it come to forgiving a major injustice the F bomb has crossed our mind, or even our lips (gasp), before we get around to forgiving it. Whew. With that out of the way, and tinsel halos back in place, what are the other F words?

The first one that comes to mind is, say it all together now, forget. Forgive and forget fans please forgive me, and forget my sarcasm, when I say forget forgive and forget; it's a fantasy.

The word beginning with the letter F that comes to my mind is fear. Both fear of needing to forgive and needing forgiveness myself. Is either side ready? When is the right time? Where is the right place? Is it worth addressing? Why can't we just forget about the whole thing? Will it make matters worse? Are they going through the same emotional turmoil I am? Maybe I can just avoid them until it blows over. *&%$! I don't know what to do, how to do it if I do decide to forgive, or even if I can genuinely forgive this. (Okay, so I lied a little. Hope you can forgive me.) The word frustration come to anyone's mind?

If you want to know how to forgive go to scripture. If you want to know how we typically forgive turn on the radio. "We bury the hatchet but leave the handle stickin' out" says it really well. This Garth Brooks song was released in 1991 and I still remember it. And I'm not a country music fan. Anyone still think you can forget a major injustice?

There are so many questions when it comes to forgiveness. There are divisions among godly christian leaders regarding the who, what, where, when, why, and how of if all. I'm not going to claim to have all the answer by any stretch of the imagination. There are a few more words I'd like to add to the discussion though.

Who - From easiest to hardest: friends, family, and foes. Or should foes come before family? Hmmm.

What - Others failures and our own. Again, forgiving ourselves being the harder of the two.

Where - Fair territory (AKA neutral ground)

When - ASAP but feel out the facts and follow the leading of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit on this one.

Why - The fortification of the relationship or simply the future of it. Lack of forgiveness could end it.

How - Fully and fairly; easier said than done.

One last word - Fend (AKA defend or protect) Put one of these in place of forget in the old forgive and forget adage and it becomes much easier to do. Oh, and don't forget the forgiveness and protection is for them as much as it is for yourself.

Why Bother?

Life sometimes feels like the children's game Snakes and Ladders. Little by little you make your way HOME for the win. You occasionally get to climb a small ladder and minor setback are expected, so these are taken pretty much in stride. Emotions kick into high gear when we, or others, are on and near the giant "game" changers. You work your way toward a life goal and as you near it a huge snake strikes without warning. One or two big setbacks tend to make you more determined; three, four, and five lead to a "why bother?" mentality. A word of warning here, when the snakes keep on setting you back, do not compare your life to someone you think has a life of one ladder after another. This leads only to anger, bitterness, and resentment. In a word, it leads to sin. You sin not only against a person, but against God. In essence, you tell God that He is unjust when you claim that He is against you and for others.

My wife and I have had many big snakes in our lives. At four we thought, okay we have to have met our start over quota by now. We had not. We still may have not. And, yes, the "why bother?" frustration has made both of us want to raise the white flag of surrender and give up trying at times.

The day had barely begun and a co-worker was already saying "some days make you wonder why you even bother." All I could do that morning was agree with her. That statement has stuck in my head ever since though. Why should we bother? Is it worth the struggle and the frustration of setback after setback, disappointment after disappointment?

If we have entered into a personal relationship with God the Father, through His Son Jesus, the answer is a resounding YES! This relationship changes everything! Our lives are no longer about who we are, what we have, what status we attain, or how we compare to others. We can join with Paul and say to this life "for me to live is Christ and to die is gain." With Him, this life has nothing to offer me that compares to what I already have. All life on this earth has to offer is temporary satisfaction that leaves me wanting more, and it can so easily get taken away. With Jesus life is no longer about the "Snakes and Ladders" of this world. With Jesus the last is the first, little is much, and weakness is strength. Best of all God never loses; with Him even defeat, in our eyes, is victory.


Calvary is the ultimate example of this. To human minds death had conquered Jesus; when all the while God knew Calvary was Jesus eternally conquering death.

To make the victory even sweeter, He also conquered sin on Calvary making a way for us to stand before God clothed in Jesus righteousness; our sin atoned for by His blood.

O victory in Jesus,

My Savior, forever.

He sought me and bought me

With His redeeming blood;

He loved me ere I knew Him

And all my love is due Him,

He plunged me to victory,

Beneath the cleansing flood.

 
Victory in Jesus - Eugene M. Bartlett - 1939

A Taste of Success: Redefined

Success Redefined: Abundant Life After Loss is not published. I hope it is soon, but if not (see prior post) God know the reason(s) he had me write it and I did my part by following His prompting to write, not necessarily publish, it.

I feel it is a book for our time. Men and women are losing jobs, due to circumstances beyond their control, in droves. When a job loss occurs much more than a job is lost. It negatively impacts finances, relationships, and simply messes up life in general. The greatest loss, especially for men, is the loss of identity. Far too many men, and to a smaller degree women, get their identity from their occupation. When the job is gone they are left without purpose, direction, and meaning. 

I now know that defining who is was by what I did for a living is what left me so empty that I nearly took my life. 

Over a period of 13 years I had risen from a part-time janitor position to a respected, well paying  position for a large utility company. Then, with a single executive decision, it was gone. I tried to hold on but one year later there was nowhere left to go. This is where the following excerpt from Success Redefined: Abundant Life After Loss picks up my story.

Many of my co-workers at the utility company call center were shocked when I left with a positive attitude. My faith that God had something better for me made no sense to them. They thought I should be bitter and angry. After all my years of dedicated service, this was the second job this company had pulled out from under me. The company's decision makers didn't care about me. Why should I care about leaving on good terms? I was positive that it would only be a few weeks or, at the longest, a few months before God led me to a job I would enjoy, which paid just as well. Instead, God led me into a desert, as He did Moses, to prepare me to lead others out of their desert. There He changed me from the inside out. Humility replaced Pride. Openness to my need for others replaced independence. The creation of my career path gave way to acceptance of God’s will, regardless of where He placed me. God engaged me in the lives of others in ways only He could orchestrate.                  Humbled

                                    Opened

                                       Placed

                                         Engaged      I found a lasting HOPE in Jesus and Him alone. The process of His transforming work in my life was about to begin. 

Six years later God lead me to a job that I enjoyed that paid much less than than I made at the end of my time with the big utility company. During that 6 years in the desert God changed me so drastically that I no longer cared anything about the job except for His will that I have it. It is now over a decade later and I still make less than I did then. I still don't care. My identity is no longer in what I do or how much I make. My identity is now found in Christ who never changes and never leaves me wondering who I am. 

    

BUT IF NOT. . .

I was ready to write this post immediately after I finished the last one. I thought so anyway. Instead, God wanted me to write something that was the furthest from my mind and he knew I wasn't ready. So as God does so well, as documented time and again in the Bible, he prepared me. Thankfully, it was not as long as many Biblical preparations. Still having it take twice as long to sit down and knock out a blog and having this unpopular topic drilled into me, over and over, in a relatively short amount of time didn't exactly make for a great way to end or begin the year.

Fall, the Thanksgiving season, the Christmas season, closing out the old year, and bring in the new year all had on thing in common for my immediate and extended family. November, December, and ,yes, even January brought bad news; some in forms we could have never imagined. We have had major illness fraught with complications, job loss, a major relationship issue, a legal issue, and other income loss. This was, and still is, far from how any of us wanted this celebratory time of year to unfold. I'm sure we have all grown and learned during this time. It will do me good to ask my family what this time has taught them. For now, I will share what it has taught me.

First, events like these either draws a family closer or rips it to shreds. It's not the event itself that does the pulling together or apart though; it's the responses of the family members to the events. Ours was drawn closer together. Heard of any miracles lately? How about the one two sentences back? All I can say is thank you to my loving Heavenly Father for that. It was none of our doing; especially mine.

Second, because one bad event after another is happening to a family does not mean God has lost control of their situation or abandoned them. To me, it was as if God was saying, "Do you still love and trust me?", "How about after another setback?", "Will your faith in Me hold after I allow this to happen too?", "What if I let the bad news keep coming?". And what came to my mind was how bad God let things get for His early followers before He intervened. Sometimes there was no intervention. God walked beside them to the bitter end and then commended them in the faith chapter.

All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance, admitting that they were foreigners and strangers on earth. Hebrews 11:13


"All these people" gets my attention. God knows their names. The Bible is not lacking for lists of long unpronounceable names. Why "all these people" in a chapter naming people of faith? When God doesn't list "these people" - You know there are a lot of people! Before and after there are names. Here they are a mass of faithful followers with one thing in common. They all knew God could rescue them and when He didn't they still proclaimed BUT IF NOT OUR FAITH IN YOU WILL NOT CHANGE until they drew their final breath.

My first glimpse of success redefined

My first job loss was a result of the impersonal injustice of big business.

I had attained a job that I knew was the start of a long, successful career. While well aware that there was a merger on the horizon; having to relocated was the only impact I saw it having on me. Two weeks after my promotion, the official announcement was made. My hard earned position in the Information Technology Department of a large utility company was gone. It was so hard going to work knowing, once the the merger was complete, my job would no longer exist. I had put so much time and effort into climbing this mountain and soon I'd find myself right back where I'd started. I have described it as getting kicked off the mountain right as I made it to the top. That's much too personal. Though it is something that can't happen, it's more accurate to say that the mountain vanished from beneath me. Regardless of which grand metaphor I used, the result was the same. I was at the bottom looking up at 14 years of lost progress. When I told the doctor this, he said I had two options: stay there or start climbing again.

My second job loss was a result of having the wrong response to my first job loss.

I decided to climb again, but climbing was too slow. I now had experience that would allow me to fly to, and beyond, my prior level of success. The dogged determination I had, to make short work of recreating my past success, was unrealistic and destructive. I had so many opportunities to admit that it was time to stop and re-evaluate. Five years into my second attempt to conquer the career mountain, I found myself telling a doctor that my anxiety level at work made me feel like I was on a plane that was about to crash. The doctor leaned forward, looked me directly in the eye, and told me "Steven, it already crashed." His reply was kind, but firm and matter-of-fact. As much as I willed it aloft, that particular plane was now forever incapable of flight. I had survived the crash but there was no getting back on that plane and picking up where I had left off. So, now I'm wandering around in the wreckage of 19 years of striving for career success wondering how I ended up back at the beginning yet again.

It took took reaching the point of attempting suicide to make me decide it wasn't worth it to drive myself with the false notion that anything short of my prior success was failure. I was still struggling with the fact that I'd had already achieved success and had it taken from me. I would have rather never had it to begin with. I attended a mental health support group to help me come to terms with the injustice, loss, and aftermath.

I was told that I was not only a problem person. I was also a solution person. 

I needed others help. Others needed my help.

That was my first glimpse of success redefined.

Is your hope inside out?

Hope is a tricky word.

A common use of the word is the hope that something goes the way we want it to. I hope the Oakland Raiders win the Super Bowl this season. Since the last time they came close was the 2002 season, which ended in a lopsided Tampa Bay Buccaneers 48 Oakland Raiders 21 loss in Super Bowl XXXVII, I invest very little of myself in that hope. That way when they're out of the playoff picture midway through the season the letdown is easier to take.

Then there's the hope that life will get better. That advice was casually given at almost every mental health support group meeting I was a part of. Sure, it's good advice to tell someone to have a positive outlook on the future. Can we guarantee them their life will get better though? And even if it does, that hope is worthless beyond life on this earth

Hope takes on a whole new meaning when applied to religion. Ask 500 religious people what gives them hope of eternal life in Heaven and you may not get the same answer twice. That alone has caused me to use the Bible as my sole base of truth; not any religious teaching, church, or denomination. That said I am a Baptist. There are many distinctions that cause me to proudly proclaim myself a Baptist; however, to stand before God with "I'm a Baptist" as my hope of eternal life in Heaven; that alone won't impress Him. Hope that devotion to any teaching, church, or denomination will earn entrance into God's eternal Kingdom will be exposed as misplaced hope.

I've covered 3 distinct forms of hope and still no eternal hope. This is where religion has made a confused mess of the simple, straightforward answer to the only source of eternal hope God gives us in His Word. There are millions of religious people, from the unenthusiastic to the devout, who speak the name of Jesus, know about Jesus, and do good deeds in Jesus' name. They have all the outward signs of a person God would welcome into Heaven. But all they have is religion. They have changed the outside but not allowed God to change them from the inside out. They have a misplaced hope that what they do and say will suffice. 

Matthew 7:21-23 reads:

21 “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22 Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ 23 Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you; away from me, you evildoers!’

 I see these as the 3 scariest verses in the Bible. If there is anything worse than having no hope it is having false hope. I have good friends that know a lot about God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit but, best as I can tell, don't know God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. How sad that the "Lord" doesn't know them.

Totally confused? Please read the simple truth that we have made so complex.

1 Now, brothers and sisters, I want to remind you of the gospel I preached to you, which you received and on which you have taken your stand. 2 By this gospel you are saved, if you hold firmly to the word I preached to you. Otherwise, you have believed in vain. 3 For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, 4 that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures. . . (I Corinthians 15:1-4)

The gospel - so many people hope in so many other things to get them into Heaven; and it is those very things that are distractions from the simple truth of the gospel. Which is that Christ became a man, was crucified to pay the penalty for their sins, had his body buried for three days, and was raised to life conquering sin and death for all mankind.

We cannot save ourselves by changing our behavior, talk, or look. That is all external and does nothing about our internal sin problem. Only our acceptance of Jesus’ sacrifice for us allows God to save us and change us from the inside out.

Is your hope inside out? If not, it is a misplaced external hope that leads to Hell. There is no polite way to say it. The simple truth of the gospel is now complex mix of truth and error due to man's attempts to make it more palatable.

It's hard to admit that there is nothing we can do to earn a righteous standing before God. It's even harder to admit we are deserving of eternity in Hell. Don't let your pride make you pay your own sin debt. Accept the simple gospel truth that the Lord Jesus Christ has paid that debt for you.

Delight, Commit, Trust

⁴ Delight thyself also in the Lord: and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart. 

⁵ Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in Him; and He shall bring it to pass. (Psalm 37:4,5 KJV)

I love this promise but it took me quite some time to understand it. It's so easy to focus on getting the desires of our hearts from God that we overlook our part of this promise: delight, commit, trust. And just what are the desires of our hearts anyway?

Delight – How do you delight in the Lord? I delight in other things. Why is delight in the Lord such a hard concept? The tendency to over-spiritualize anything having to do with God made me think it was some righteous prayer or act that would show God my delight in Him. God has taught me to simply delight in Him more than I delight in anyone or anything else. However, to simply delight in Him more than anything else, is not at all simple. 

Commit – Who commits to anything? That implies forever, no turning back, no 30-day free trial. Like a cliff dive, you either do it or you don’t. You don’t dive then change your mind in mid-air. You’re either all in or all out. There is no prenuptial. There is no escape clause. There is nothing worse than one foot on the water and one foot in the boat. Jesus wants one of two admissions. Completely admit you’re too afraid to step out on the water with Him or completely admit that only He can keep you on top of the waves, but you're stepping out onto them anyway. I have done what is impossible for a simple man like me. That is when I am most alive. I have also done what is natural for a simple man like me; focused my attention on the waves. That is when I am least alive. Either way I have walked away from the boat. There is no such thing as being out of the boat but still close enough to jump back in if you panic. Water gives you nothing to push off of so you may as well turn your back to the boat, face Jesus, and start walking until you hear, “well done”.

Trust – Is anyone worthy of trust? Human wisdom says hold on to something tangible. God says let go of it. Are you at the end of your rope? It’s more painful to hold on than it is to let go. But to let go requires trust in someone who can navigate the results of you no longer having whatever it is you let go of. Only the the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are worthy of that kind of trust.

Desires – Human desires cannot be forever fulfilled. The void you try to fill is a bottomless pit. All attempts to fill it with things this world offers lead to frustration and hopelessness. The only way to forever fulfill the desires of our hearts is to align our plans and goals for our lives with God’s. That requires a 180 degree turn. There is no turn less than or greater than 180 that will lead us to that life. The shortest route to that life is a straight line in the complete opposite direction that our human nature takes us. Jesus continues to call to us, “this way”, as we drift off the narrow path, meander down dead ends, walk in circles, or just plain stop. Why God cares so deeply that He won’t give up on us is beyond my comprehension. Thank God for His patience with us.

Delight, commit, trust sounds like a lot of effort on our part, more than we can do. That's where amazing grace comes in. God knows that even our best efforts to delight, commit, and trust will fall far short. That's where the best two words in these verses come in - "He shall". I am so relieved that the "He shall" does not only apply to giving me the desires of my heart. "He shall" align the desires of my heart with the desires of His heart for me, through the work of the Holy Spirit in me. "He shall" give me the ability to delight, commit, and trust as I should. "He shall" because without Him I can't.

The Power of One

The thought that it only takes one good break to make it big has crossed my mind quite a few times. Most of those times were in my teens. Go figure.

I tried some crazy things to try to make it happen: submitted song lyrics to a fly-by-night record company, wrote a trivia book, and created a game. The record company recorded my song for $350 and it was awful. Then they sang Take the Money and Run. The trivia book never left the house but at least I didn't lose money on that venture. The game I still hold out hope for but that's another story.

I did eventually get my big break. I landed a great job. Hardly anything you could call making it big but it did put me on the fast track to success with a large utility company. I remember attending a financial seminar where I was asked where I worked and was told I wouldn't ever have to worry about losing my job. After all people will always need utilities. What he and I both failed to think about is that it only takes one bad break to make you have to start all over again. And that is exactly what happened. A couple weeks after a change in job title had me doing the same job for more money, the bottom fell out.

One decision, one word would wipe out 14 years of climbing the company ladder.

    MER     GER

This was my first encounter with the power of one. I fought back for a while but could not recover from this blow. Depression set in and I sank deep. At my low point I made one powerful decision of my own; to take my life. Fortunately, God would have none of that. My pride would not allow me to seek help. God was, and always will be, more powerful than my pride. He brought me back to my senses and gave me the ability to swallow my pride.  


From that moment til this I have been learning about and making use of (though not as often as I should) the power of The One - My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I don't need that one good break to make it big. I don't need to regain what that one bad break took from me. I need Jesus. His power is greater than anything, good or bad, that life brings my way.

Your need to grieve your loss

Abundant Life After Loss

God's timing is always perfect. It is no accident that I am writing on loss the same day a study of the book of Job came to an end. It is natural to compare one person's loss to another's. But what comes natural is typically not the right thing to do. Can you imagine the result if we were to compare our loss to Job's? We would heap the guilt of considering our relatively small loss worthy of causing us grief and pain on top of proper grief and pain. Here are a few things well meaning advisers might say that lead us to compare one loss to another. 

Cheer up. It could be worse.

Look on the bright side. 

You still have. . .

You think that's bad? 

Miss Fortune lost. . . 

Yeah, I went through the exact same situation. You will be fine.

All these do is downplay your need to grieve your loss. When loss strikes it doesn't matter if it could be worse, what's on the bright side, what Miss Fortune lost, or what the result of some one else's exact same situation was. And does anyone ever go through the exact same situation? Only if they are experiencing it with you; and even then it will impact each person differently. 

So, if comparing our loss to a greater loss isn't helpful; then what is?

For the one who has suffered the loss: 1) Express your loss to someone you trust - if they go down comparison road find someone else. Do not minimize or deny the loss and keep it bottled up inside. 2) Keep living - don't make the loss greater by letting it negatively impact your future. 3) Stay in contact with positive people who will allow you to work through the grief. 

After the first of several job losses I attempted to jump over the grief and go straight to the better life on the other side. What a huge mistake! My attempt to instantly make life better resulted in disaster. In addition to that, I only delayed the grieving process. Ten years later I acknowledged and grieved the loss and only then could I move on from it. After being bottled up for ten years it was one ugly mess to deal with; far worse than if I'd dealt with it immediately.

For those in support roles: 1) Listen more, talk less. 2) Be prepared to be inconvenienced - the dam of emotions may break in the middle of the night. That's when they will need you most. Give them permission to - No - make them promise to contact you anytime day or night when their flood of grief rushes in. 3) Follow up and be there for the long haul. No one gets through loss overnight.

Easy as 1, 2, 3? Not at all! Every situation has it's own nuances which must be taken into consideration. Some people may need a friendly kick in the behind. Others may require hospitalization, medication, and counseling. I needed both and more.

What everyone needs is genuine love, compassion, and care. The ultimate source of this is Jesus. It is our duty and privilege to share with others the love, compassion, and care He has lavished on us.

The importance of positive reminders

 Abundant Life After Loss 

Of the four words in this blog's subtitle after seems to be the least important. I see it as the most important. It is something you continue to live with and it can be difficult to put in the past. It is harder still to keep it there.

My initial job loss happened over a decade ago and the aftereffects of that one event still impact me today. This is true of nearly every loss. Loss can be moved on from but can't be restored. I found another job. In some ways it is better. In some ways it is worse. The bottom line is that it is not the same.


It is easy to adopt a negative, my life will never be the same, attitude. It is true that, after major loss, life never will be the same. There are many reminders of how past loss is impacting present circumstances. They make the task of putting loss in the past, and keeping it there, seem impossible. Grief over loss is healthy. Living the rest of your life in the shadow of loss is not. Loss must not be allowed to control the present and ruin the future. If allowed, loss becomes an anchor that prevents your life from moving forward. The longer the anchor is down the harder it is to pull up.


Overcoming a major loss takes great resolve to adopt a positive attitude; despite current circumstances and nagging reminders. The best way I have found to do this is to remind myself that my life will never be the same but this does not mean it will always be worse. Loss has a way of creating tunnel vision. The loss looms large and the abundance of life's positives get pushed off to the side unseen. The positives are there. They are hard to see and you may need a friend to point them out at first. As your view broadens the positives will take up more and more of your vision until loss, while still there, is less and less your focal point.


Daily positive reminders are also a must. Get a book of Bible promises, journal your blessings, spend time with good friends, and attend church regularly. Read how much Jesus loves you in the Bible. This is His love letter to you. Reply in prayers of love and thanksgiving to Him. There is hope in Him. When hope is regained abundant life AFTER loss can be seen clearly. Trade in the anchor of loss and anchor your life to Jesus Christ. He is the only anchor that holds regardless of what storms of life you encounter.



God has given both his promise and his oath. These two things are unchangeable because it is impossible for God to lie. Therefore, we who have fled to him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us. This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God’s inner sanctuary.

Hebrews 6:18,19 (New Living Translation)

Life is. . .

Abundant Life After Loss

There is a long list of words and phrases used to describe life. The results of my "life is" Google search on New Year's Day morning 2013 began with:

Life is beautiful                                   

  

Life is good

Life is short

Life is like a camera

Life is a highway

Life is like a box of chocolates

 

These are true, to a point. Let's insert the unspoken "always" and see how they sound. The top two are now false statements regardless of your life status. Out of the last four, Forest Gump's mama has the best chance of passing the "always" test. What other "life is" quotes come to mind? Do they pass the "always" test? I am quite surprised that none of the negative statements about life were at the top of the list. We all know they're out there in record numbers though. They also become false when the unspoken "always" is added.

Take another look at my Google search results. There is nothing here to anchor life to. Four are positive thinking that won't hold when life gets ugly, bad, you take your last shot, or you run out of highway. The other two speak to the uncertainty about the amount of life we have left and what it will give us. Anchor your life to one of these or the vast majority others and it becomes subject to chance. These also lack any hope beyond life on planet earth.

Fortunately, Google (or any other search engine) isn't our only source of answers to what life is. God gave us  the Bible, to not only to give us the broad answer, but to give us every answer we need to live an abundant life on this earth; and an unfathomable eternal life afterward. Find a Bible with a good concordance or find an online Bible and search for life. I am interested in what you find. Please let me know by using the space for comments below. Other comments on life and all Jesus has to say about it are welcomed also. 

The Bible has much to say about life; it all comes back to one answer though. LIFE IS JESUS!

Without Him we have no hope. You may have "the good life" but when you die and stand before God nothing you had or did will matter. God will be concerned with only one thing. Did you accept my Son Jesus' sacrifice for your sin? Did you make Him your Savior and Lord? 

John 3:16 says: God so loved the (people of the) world that He gave His one and only Son (to die in your place) that whosoever (that means you) believes in (Jesus) should not perish but have everlasting LIFE. 

John 14:6 says: I (Jesus) am the Way, the Truth, and the LIFE: no one comes to (God) the Father but by me.

I John 5:12 says: Anyone that has the Son (Jesus) has LIFE; and anyone that has not the Son of God has not LIFE. 

Do you have a personal relationship with God's Son Jesus? If not, start that relationship now. Simply accept God's gift to you in prayer right where you are.

Ephesians 2:8 says: By grace are you saved through faith; and not of yourselves: it is the gift of God.

Romans 10:9 says: If you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord (of your life), and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved (from the penalty of your sins; which is death).

Jesus died for all mankind. It is not too much that He asks us to give our lives in return for Him. That is the only way to have a life on this earth that has meaning and purpose now and in eternity.

Please let me know if you accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior. I will celebrate with you and let you know more about this new life you have.

Abundant life right now

Abundant Life After Loss

Few Christians would say they have an abundant life. Yet, the Bible says, in John 10:10, that Jesus came that His followers may have life and have it more abundantly. Have is present tense. We have abundant life now, right now, at this moment.

Yet many Christians, myself included, live as if abundant life is future; something to be attained. We confuse abundant life with a life of abundance. Some translations use the phase "to the full". The Message reads: 

I came so they can have real 

and eternal life, 

more and better life than they ever dreamed of. 

I like that description of full and abundant life. 

The focus is on the quality, how well we live, not the quantity, how much we obtain. 

A synonym for abundant is "alive with". We should strive for a life that is alive with love, compassion, and hope. This life will naturally flow into other's lives and from their lives into yet other's lives  Now that's an abundant life! God did not place us on this earth to get possessions. He placed us here to give. To give of ourselves for others; as He gave of Himself for us. It is for this reason we are alive. We have everything in Christ. What more abundance is there to attain? Let's live that abundant life He came to give us. Now.